Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Drug Pushing

Yesterday, I jumped on a server that only had one other player in game so I could do some experimentation with a job that I wouldn't normally pick (so as to not get yelled at). I wanted a job as high up as possible so I had the most options. I went for Head of Personnel (HoP) who is second only to the captain and with this job, I can forge new identification cards.

Basically, when you sign up for a job aboard the space station, it's your ID card that determines who you are. You start with a few things that are career specific, but it's your ID that gives you access to areas, computers and vending machines. Therefore, HoP wasn't good enough for me, I needed a captain's ID card. I manufactured one (using my HoP computer) and equipped it, knowing full well that I was wearing a HoP jumpsuit and that I may be asked some aukward questions.

This ship was not the standard ship (from most other servers) so I wandered around, getting accustomed and seeing what I could experiment with. I played with the tracking device in security for a while, the finger print kit in the detectives office and settled on making chemicals in the science labs.

I had found some interesting chemistry guides on-line recently and wanted to try some out. The first mixture that caught my eye was called Cryptobiolin with a description that simply said "confuses". Sounded good to me. Combining Potassium + Oxygen + Suger all dispensed from the chemical dispenser and I had a bubbling mixture. There was no label, nothing to indicate what it was or if I was successful so I plugged it into an analyzer. It said "confuses" again so I was happy that I'd succeeded. The machine gave me some more options, one of which was to turn it into a pill which also sounded good if I wanted to administer it. During the pill creation process, it asked me to name the pill. I'm sure I was meant to put the description of it's effects or something but I decided to call this pill "Candy".

Out in the hallway, I meet up with the captain. He seemed like a jolly soul and after talking for a while, said nothing about my captain's ID card. I can only assume that he's fairly new to the game with a lot to still learn. Something comes over me due to the lack of players, no admin on and therefore no major responsibilities and I decide to force feed the captain my new pill!

He's not happy with this and goes into disarm mode. We then have this cat and mouse up and down the hallway with me trying to feed him my pill, him disarming me, me picking it back up and so forth. I was very disappointed with the result. I ran away after 5 minutes to hide and collect myself.

I found the security outpost so I picked up a flash grenade and a tazer gun for protection and walked out into the hallway. Before I could even do anything, he had rendered me unable to move with a stun baton and put handcuffs on me. I wasn't particularly happy, but I also knew it was a fair cop. He dragged my sorry ass to the brig and locked me in a cell.

I decided to play dumb. I told him that it was just candy and that I didn't mean to hurt him. Now the chance he would believe me was so slim but it was my only hope, I couldn't do anything in the cell with handcuffs other than feel sorry for myself. Then he said "Oh lol, I didn't realize" and proceeded to let me out! I couldn't believe my luck. I told him "no problem" and asked to have my handcuffs removed. He didn't know how (hence cementing my opinion of him) and I told him what to do. Once free I decided to push my luck again. I dropped my pill and pointed it out to him. "Here you go, it's candy", I told him. He picked it up and popped it in his mouth.

A few seconds later I asked him "Well, do you like it?" He responded with, "My controls are all back to front". I'm wetting myself laughing at this point and I tell him to "Stay there, I'll be back in a minute".

I run to the lab and decide upon a mixture who's description reads "Gives Random Genetic Mutations" which I whip up, make into another pill and label as "Bubblegum". *Insert evil laugh here*

I drop it next to him (the first effects are wearing off he tells me) and tell him to "Try this one". He eats it and tells me he feels faint. He's coughing and falls over. He gets back up and falls over again. I'll let the conversation text explain this next part:

Click for a larger image

So I eventually revive him using the medbot and then as I'm about to run off to get him another "snack", he gives me the line of the day: "I don't think I should eat anymore pills". I'm still laughing my head off and despite his resistance I run back to the chemistry lab to make another.

There aren't that many fun descriptors left - a lot of them are all for healing various ailments so I settle on the "extra strength" pill which I label as "chocolate". I head back over to see him (he's still coughing) and in true goonserver style, a wizard comes along and the captain explodes in front of me.

Damn wizards!

He knocks me out, handcuffs me and pulls me along the corridors, blowing up anything he doesn't like the look of along the way (no idea why I was saved).

There are enough people on the server now to initiate a server reset, mostly unhappy with the rampaging wizard and the game ends.